Fresh off the Bezos boat of Bitcoin #ETF’s and who the f**k cares, I went to the Zoolander DAIE spa for a claw manicure to ward off my stalker. Much to my deep disturbance, Manicurist is leaving the manicure industry to focus solely on her career as a perp trading influencer on #dYdX v4. I asked her why I would ever engage in peer-to-peer trading when my peers are largely sophisticated pseudo ivy league educated jewel-smoking narcissistic alcoholic Adderall fueled contemporaries who would no sooner spill my darkest secrets in exchange for a spot at Horace Man for their offspring. Unclear.
The notion on Notion that my (father’s) hard earned cash is better managed by SushiSwap over the light sex trafficking accused  meaninglessly regulated tradFi institution is beyond my realm of comprehension.
Ipso facto, With #ZeroKnowledge Alcohol proof, I must continue on my God appointed quest to solve Jon Benet Ramsey’s murder with my #baccarat magnifying glass as well examine peer to peer trading and kreepto derivs.
Alas, I am pleased to have decorated crème de la creme Advanced Sales and Strategy expert Mr. Kyle Trimble Kyle is a web3 Don Draper. He has been divinely blessed by his ability to make every cold prospect his deepest most treasured friend and his best men will encompass the entire defunct Genesis trading desk. He is a Renaissance man, what with is his burgeoning underground DJ career and Degen Solana Shitcoin trading strategies reminiscent of RainMan.
Every single respectable woman of crypto, of which there are 12, has a deep seated unhealthy sexual obsession with Kyle, and it is for good reason; Here's my backstory. I met Kyle in the late 90s in the height of high frequency commoditized Somalian children trading during the children’s Men’s Fashion Week in Milano.
Neither of us were chosen in the final round to walk the runway, a freakish decision -what with Kyles impossibly high cheek bones and lithe European figure, and my sporadic bulimia and keen ability to speak inflected mob like 4th grade Italian re Donatella Margherita Missoni Pizza grazie mille.
Even though our failed modeling careers were a personal affront, I went on to pursue an intellectual career in beverage commercial work. Kyle is nearly single handedly responsible for making The Tie a household name while still maintaining an impressive following in the house music underground club circuit of Medellin where he cannot get a Sangria without being accosted. His most recent prestigious day job includes trading derivatives of derivatives of kreepto at Kemet Trading. During this episode, Kyle corrects many of my fervent misunderstandings.

Per example, #KeanuReeves is not associated with Matrixport, being cheap fast and easy only works on Solana and in Dubai, and Delta Hedging has nothing to do with sorority and fraternity pledging. 

To hear more, visit glitterledger.substack.com